Our correspondent asked adults how they would react if they discovered that their partner had a child before marriage and had not disclosed it.
“It would be highly deceptive,” said Mr. Itekena Chepaka. “The first thing anyone should do in a union is be open about whether they have a child from a previous relationship.”
Pat Hart expressed concern about capacity and family approval: “What if I don’t have the capacity to take care of the child? What if my parents will not permit it? I will not throw the child away, but I will be wary of such a partner because there may be more she is hiding. I won’t let that mar my union.”
Thankgod Morgan said, “I don’t pray for such a situation, but if it happens I will not let it affect the marriage. I would first ask him why he refused to tell me and expect an explanation. Then we would discuss the child’s welfare and how I, as his wife, would help. I will accept both the child and the mother.”
Nkechi Dan, a Christian, added, “God will not give me what I cannot handle. If this occurs, it is not the end of the world. I will pray and ensure God is in control of the situation.”
Gbugamanye Morgan noted, “I don’t pray for this because it would be disappointing. Putting all hope and love in one person and having it dashed can cause great heartache, and I hope that won’t be my portion.”
Joy Peters viewed it as a past issue: “It will hurt at first, but we will talk about it. If the child’s mother is willing to care for the child, I will support her, and my husband must also support me. The deed is done; we just need to manage it so it doesn’t ruin our marriage.”
Goddy Godson said, “My heart will be broken. I love kids, but every woman must be open with her partner. No one should deceive the other for any reason. I will speak to her, work out a plan, but it will be very hard to trust her again. God will intervene.”
Mabel George placed her trust in God: “I will pray first because God brought me into this union, and I am sure He will not let me down. As a human, it is disappointing because it is not what is expected of an adult. Anything from the past that could hurt the future should be disclosed so there are no surprises. My children’s welfare must not be affected.”
Patience Ogheneweware admitted the pain but said she might not end the marriage: “It is very painful, but I may not break the union. We will have issues, but I just want the child to be healthy. As long as it does not affect my own child’s welfare, I don’t mind. I’ll accept the child as mine.”
Chukwuneke Augustine was decisive: “I will take the child as mine. I might ask the mother to leave the child with her parents, but personally I will accept the child. Children are gifts from God.”
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